Sacredness in Sorrow

November 22, 2017

Thoughts from my 27th birthday. 

I have never been so emotional in my entire life. It is pure sorrow, the heaviest heart, a twisted chest....but not empty of hope? I am crying tears that I have never cried. Tears and grief that I didn't know existed within me. How can a sorrow full of hope make any sense? How can the pain inside contradict its very self? How can such melancholy torment feel so beautiful? 

The Lord is doing a work in me like never before. In this very time He is allowing me with a firm foundation of fully satisfying security, in order to let me feel the depths of the adversity I have endured throughout my life. 

I cant keep looking around in confusion, with my tear soaked face asking "What is going on, what is happening?" I feel Him tugging  me. I feel Him holding me. The strongest safety net I could imagine, and Him telling me to finally let go. Let go child, let go. Feel my daughter, feel it all. 

All the years of fight or flight I have bottled up inside, just trying to survive. Survive no longer. Beloved, you are safe. I am your refuge. Feel the depths and know that I am there. AND MAKE ROOM. Make much more room. For me, and for the plans that I have for you. Don't shut down the swelling in your heart, the bursting of your inner being. 

Holy Spirit, I know that it is You, and I say that You are welcome here.

You show sacredness in my sorrow. You bring forth unfathomable love that is impossible to keep inside. I am flooding out. Let it pour onto your other children Father God. The rupture of my heart, dont let it pass Lord Jesus! If it is your will, then keep me right here in this place with You.

Thank You for the tragedy in my life, that for a time You lovingly never took away. Thank You that You are a God who used it all to mold and shape me, to set me apart, and to bring me closer to you.  Thank You for this overwhelming compassion.

You are God. You never have to reveal Your purpose, yet You let so much unfold like the most precious, beautiful quilt being laid out and across. Thank You for Your vision and wisdom. 

Because You love me so, I can not help but love. 

John 13:7 NIV 

Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."

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*I ask for grace in my writings that you may read, kindly remembering that I will be in the midst of my sanctification. I also ask that you always turn to Scripture yourself before taking my words for it.